I am, I want, I need...but most importantly, I have

I AM....a lover, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a hopeless romantic, a nerd, a giver, a good person, worth your time, allergic to something in this face wash, allergic to other stuff too, silly, girly, a little kid at times, busy, nervous, a chocolate lover, a food lover in general, a mess, stressed, and a people pleaser.
There is more, but I am NOT going to keep going.

I WANT...to decorate my room, to find peace, to work on my relationship with God, to find confidence in myself, to successfully complete college, to get organized, to live a more active lifestyle, to be someone's everything, to be more than just someone's friend or friend with benefits, more for myself, more for my family, to be happy right now, everyone to be happy right now, to make someone very happy one day, to get rid of my fears and inhibitions, to take a risk, someone to take a chance on me (no Abba jokes please), someone who will take the time to find out for themselves.

I NEED...God, my family, my friends, food, shelter, and clothing.

I HAVE...God, my family, friends (all 3 of which I love and love me), food, shelter, clothing, an education, a great job, and much much more.

I am thankful for everything I have. There are many things I want, and maybe they will come, in time. Just what I had on my mind right now.

It's Been a While...

Wow, almost a month since my last post. I have been super busy with school and work. I made a 77 on my first Biochem test. Not so happy about that one. But As on everything else. So, I bought this new, expensive acne face wash, and I not so happy at the fact that I'm allergic to it. I feel groggy and my face is red, itchy, and my eyes are puffy. I hate it.
I just feel exhausted. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. Sometimes I just wanna quit. I want to give up on men. I know I won't, but right now, it's hard to find someone that seems to be worth it. I know how I am when I am in a relationship, I am a very giving person. I would give my time, energy, and love to see someone happy. I guess I just want someone to feel the same about me.
Oh well, I am just going to quit looking. I guess that's a way to start, if I'm not looking for it, I can't get disappointed when I don't find it.
Been on a strange musical kick lately. I find myself listening to 90s music recently. Pop and rock from that era. It is nice to listen to some stuff that I grew up with. I just realize how incredibly cheesy it is, but I like it. I am almost tempted to buy the Backstreet Boys new cd. Almost...I will check it out online or something first.
Bulldog Bash this weekend. But I am not going to drink. I made myself a pact to be completely sober for one month. October 19th is the goal. I can do it, it will be hard though with all my friends drinking and having fun at Bulldog Bash this weekend. Maybe I will get a clearer head on my shoulders when I get through with this.
Anyway, that's my update for now. Hopefully I get back into doing this more often...

Again!? Really...

So, I am on duty this weekend. I have a lot to get done this weekend, but I'm not in a rush. I can't go anywhere. So, no hurry.
I have a paper to write on why I chose Nutrition as my major. I know why I did, but it's hard to complete a whole paper with the story behind it. I was in culinary arts, loved the nutrition chapter, always liked to help people, figured why not?!
I mean I do have a passion for it. I love what I'm learning and how it can be applicable to my everyday life. That's great, but I am just having a hard time writing a paper on it.

So, I rediscovered the greatness that is 90s Pop Groups/Artists...NSYNC, BSB, Otown, Spice Girls, Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera, and even though she's not in this category of "pop", I have been listening to some older Shania Twain.
I love it. It may be cheesy and the lyrics are simple, some probably don't even make sense, but it makes me smile. I feel like a kid again, but it also makes me feel a bit old, too. It was a decade ago that this stuff came out. Goodness.

Speaking of getting older, another one of my friends got engaged this weekend. Now, I'm not going to rush off and get married because my friends are doing it, that's stupid and you shouldn't base your life off of someone else's, but come on. You can't help but feel a little pressure. Some are getting married because of certain circumstances i.e. pregnancy (and I'm not saying anything bad about it, do what you gotta do), but then others are getting married and starting their lives.

You know, when people asked where I saw myself in 5 years (age 24 or 25, I'm closer to 20 now), I would say in a career and either married or in a deep committed relationship. So, let's analyze this a bit. If I keep this goal, I would graduate next year and I would be 21. Would enter a Dietetic Internship lasting about a year, taking the RD Exam and become a Registered Dietitian by 22. That means, 2 to 3 years to get a job(that is, if I don't go back for my Master's), find Mr. Right, and possibly get married. I mean, it's not unheard of. And I don't necessarily have to follow this plan. But, I don't want to be single at 30. I want to have a family by then, or at least starting one. Nothing against those who do wait until 30, I just don't want it for myself.
I know it seems silly to have plans like this, and they aren't rigid deadlines, but I do want these things in my life.
No worries right now though, I'm not going to go out and search for that certain someone right away. I guess it's a slight fear of mine that it won't happen, that's why I have these ideas or goals.
But, congratulations to those that are getting or have already gotten married. Best wishes!

What I Want

I wanted you. But, it wasn't good enough. I wanted to be that person in your life that you could talk to about anything, the person you wanted just as much. But I know I can't make you have the same feelings for me. So, why try to change your mind.

I just wanted someone to feel the same way I felt about them. Like I said, I have a lot of love to give. To a person who is willing to reciprocate that love back.

Her Prince Charming was a facade... a hoax. What she thought was too good to be true, actually was, and for that, she is completely heartbroken.

I Don't Know

I just erased perhaps the longest blog post I'd ever taken the time to sit down and think about. It was about a break up. Realizing that I had probably invested too much time in it, I just highlighted and deleted for the simple fact that I just don't think anyone in their right mind would have wanted to read that.
Plus, it's immature to do that. Trash talk the person that dumped you. Well, in my defense, I didn't really 'trash talk' him, it was just filled with a lot of sarcastic remarks and commentaries on what actually happened. I would never call someone I cared about names and whatnot.
I was just blindsided is all, wasn't expecting it. And I guess that's the best way to go out, but still, not the most fun.
What I am most curious about, is how long would he have waited to say something? Because I brought up the fact that things felt different, and then, minutes later, bam!
So, it really was surprising.
Still going through a miniatuer rollercoaster of emotions: sadness to frustration to anger back to sadness.
I think the only truth that came out though was the fact that he didn't wait until later to tell me and wasted my time. Having said that, he still waited to tell me in the first place, in turn, wasting my time anyway. But whatever.
I get it. I know what he's trying to do, and I can respect how he feels, but it's upsetting because you go through your head everything he said and did just days ago, and wonder how feelings can change so suddenly.
But, I guess you just pick yourself up, and move on.
The worst things to happen after a break-up are the awkward situations with their friends, and the I-Told-You-So people. So, if you read this and are one of those people, spare me. I don't want to hear it.
Nothing more to really say, I guess.

Ready or Not...

And I'm not. Sadly. Classes begin tomorrow. I already feel like I'm behind. Just with desk stuff and the fact that I'm running out of money, my room is a mess, and I haven't gotten my RIFs out yet. Poop. I need to get my shit together.

New favorite song: Rob Thomas - Her Diamonds

Dunno, it's catchy and I like it. I got my nails done the other day, it was nice to do something for myself. I wanted to do something wild and crazy, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. However, it is supposed to rain tomorrow, great chance to have a little fun. I love the rain. Just standing out there and letting it fall. I like it best in the summer, it's just too cold in the winter. Plus, pneumonia is no fun.
So, my sister is a ZTA and I'm so happy for her! She really likes her sorority, I hope she enjoys her time in college. I'm excited for her.

So, I've pretty much fallen for Jamie. It's official. Haha. Even thinking about him makes me smile. He seems like he actually cares.

So, I'm tired. Maybe a longer post next time.

Busy-Ness

Goodness, I have been so busy today. I like meeting my new IAs though. I love also meeting my new residents. I learn something new about them everyday. And they are so diverse. I like that. They all come from different backgrounds and different lifestyles, and to see them come together and live together is nice to see. I hope I can make friends with a lot of my residents. I always have the same goal every year as an RA, and that is to make an impact in someone's life this year. Whether it be help them or just be there as a friend, I want to make someone's stay here even better than they expected. I know Hull is a little rundown, but it is a great place to live. I like it a lot better than where I lived last year.



The bell tower is something to get used to, but I think it might be a good thing. I might need a 7 am wake-up call every morning to keep me from being lazy. Haha.

Nothing more really to say right now. Other than I am happy with Jamie right now. Things are going well, I hope. As far as I know, they are. Haha. I just wish maybe he'd open up to me more about how he's feeling. But he's a guy and I understand that. And I'm a girl and I like to talk. So, no big.

That's really all I got. Later.