Mmmm....Coffee

So, I have just discovered Coffee. I have never been a coffee drinker, I never liked the taste. It is amazing what two spoonfuls of sugar and some milk will do. I have to stay awake until 4 am working the desk. It is currently 2:35 am. I think I'm all set. :) Thank you Jen Kay.

However, I am stressing a bit. I only have a handful of workers to staff the desk. The desk needs to be staffed 24/7. This isn't cutting it. I need to complete my desk schedule for this week and the semester. It sucks that I don't have enough people to work. Like tomorrow, I have an open shift and I would step up and take it, but I am on duty as an RA. I can't be at the desk when I'm on duty. It's just not happening. So, I need someone to cover it. Desperately. Stress has consumed me, officially.

Song that is stuck in my head: Jordin Sparks-Battlefield. I hate that she had to rip off Pat Benetar.
Which brings me to today's rant. R&B artists and rappers need to stop sampling other artist's music. Right, it's the best form of flattery, but COME ON! Get your own stuff. I'm tired of listening on the radio and thinking I'm hearing one song, and then some artist jumps in with his/her stupid lyrics. Surely there are combinations of beats and rhythms that you can come up with.

So, I just finished watching The Ugly Truth. I liked it a lot. It was obviously transparent as far as the plot goes, but the comedy was good. Plus, Gerard Butler is a good-looking actor. He has a good voice, too. He was great as the phantom in Phantom of the Opera. And then there is 300, which was a whole new reason to love him.

I think a struggle I will face this year as an RA is being understanding and patient. I hit it off great with my residents that moved in today, but I already get a letter under my door saying to fix something ASAP. Like you're barking an order at me. I may be reading too much into it, but seriously, I HATE attitude. I am here to help my residents, I am here as a resource and as a friend. But I also have to enforce rules and policy, and when people don't like that, they get attitudes. I don't do well with attitudes. I've never been in a fight or anything like that thankfully, but I have been in confrontations before, and i hate them. I'm a nice person, it just sucks that people can be so demanding and inconsiderate of others.

Love: So, my love life is going well right about now. I am happy. Just coasting along. For the first time, I don't think I'm going to get all worked up and overthink things. I mean, I'll try not to. But he's such a chill guy, and I know me. Used to constantly seeing that someone and constant reassurance and attention. But I don't want to be that girlfriend. She sounds so needy. And I just want to feel confident and like I don't need anyone. Not to be an extreme feminist here, but I shouldn't NEED anyone. I should WANT them. And I know I want him right now. I just don't want to get to the point where I rely on him and actually feel like I need him around, like I did in past relationships. Are you following?

And a part of that occasional insecurity, comes a little jealousy, for lack of a better word. He is a great guy, and I know he has a lot of friends. Some being female. Which will get to me a little. Nothing to where I don't trust him. I mean, as much as I can trust right now, I do trust him. But, I try to reassure myself. Talk myself out of thinking that way. Like say "Who is he with now?" "Who is he seeing constantly?" and "Who does he seem to want to be with all the time?" and when I answer all those as me, I can renew my mind and move on. So, it doesn't last long, and I hope I can get rid of it altogether. Plus, I have male friends. Which gives me no right to have a problem with him having female friends and I get that.

I also feel some of my quirks and weirdness coming out. Haha. I try to mask it, but I can't. I'm a bit clumsy, say weird things, and make weird noises (apparently). I just get a little nervous everytime I do something stupid. "What's he thinking?"

Wow. I do think. WAY TOO MUCH. I think it's the coffee right now. But anyway, I'm still at the phase where I really watch what I do and say and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I'm not really hiding who I am, just letting the crazy out in little doses. Haha. But I feel if I get too comfortable, a relationship gets dull. It loses a bit of passion, curiosity, and mystery. And it is way too early to even get comfortable like that. I mean, I bought this 500 date ideas book. Pretty desperate and pathetic some think, but I think of it as a resource. I'm not the most creative mind on the planet and sometimes a date "off the beaten path" might be an excellent way to get to know someone or discover a different part of them.

But back to what I was saying originally (way off topic there). I just want to take it easy. See where it goes. I'm falling. I didn't expect to, but I am and I am happy right now. He makes me happy. And I hope he's happy spending time with me.